I'll tell you: they impressed ladies by fighting bears to the death and wrestling lions with their bare hands. They chased antelopes on the savannah's and killed men who despoiled their honour. Those were the days when might was right - when mean was queen - when worldly passion was outta fashion - when language was naught and everything was fought.
But have you ever wondered when men first learnt to talk? And why? Why did man put down his spear and his stones and his lion and engage in prittle-prattle? Why? To score with chicks that's why. Chicks dig men who know how to use their tongues (not in that way). It has been proven by scientists that women developed the ability to appreciate speech before men learnt to talk. So, all it took was for one man, one of our ancient forbears; some genius of the Upper Neolithic Period, to sit and utter those first few words of love. You can just imagine him, sitting near the fire, the object of his affections sitting across the licking flames, the first man ever to say something romantic to a woman. So he sits there. Shy at first, but slowly, gradually, he gathers his courage and his words and finally lets fly with some verbal verbosity and verbiage verifying his valour and vainglory amongst these verminous volks with a vertiginous voracity that only women can love.
What did he say? Who knows? Perhaps something along the lines of:
‘Me kill lion. Me you eat?’ (the first ever romantic meal invite) followed by:
‘Me like Lion. Tasty. You find tasty?’ (the first ever after dinner conversation) followed by:
‘Come my cave. Watch stars’ (the first ever night time entertainment) and finally:
‘Me want you. You want me. Fucky?’ and so we have it. The first time a man ever told a women he loved her. Well almost.
So today in the year 2009, thousands of years since that first tentative fumbling foray in romance, has man come far? Judging by what I've seen, not really. If you wanna impress a woman don’t take her to an expensive restaurant or a popcorn movie. Don’t wrestle a lion to prove your testo-ratings. Instead read her some delicious poetry. Man evolved language for poetry’s sake. Language is for wooing women with. Use your wicked plucky-lucky tongue:
Women in the world; don’t believe
Words and wit; the heart deceive
Like hot lead; I let fly:
‘A devils instrument; this tongue of my’
The tongue is an instrument of immense power. Wield it wisely for with it one can traverse the physical and psychological gaps between bodies. The tongue is like a remote control device. Through it you can control another brain: you can plant thoughts, ideas, passions and feelings into another brain. Just through words you can cause a chemical reaction in another brain seeding love or hate. No other creature on earth can do that.
Do you know the reason why?
You love poetry; and so do I?
Magic words and mystery rhymes
Past nursery days; they do remind
There’s nothing better than a play
With words and words strung like clay
Mould and fold and twist and turn
Words like fart and words like ‘urn’
In the garret of my mind I sigh
Here’s a tale to tell you why:
Upon a time there lived a girl
For centuries old; under a spell
The spell was cast; many a yond
By a smelly witch; with such a pong
Under wind afloat; the pong it rose
The prince he felt it; queer his nose
The prince he came; from land afar
And at the bottom; he cried to her:
‘Your beauty is mine; is mine to keep
But what is that pong? it mighty reeks'
Upon those words; the spell it broke
The pong dispersed; and entered a goat
The prince was happy; the princess free
‘The spell is dead; your pong is sweet’
To which she replied; in earnest for sure:
'My darling, but are you sure?'
‘As sure as the sun that sets today'
'As sure as the moon mine eyes do say'
‘What of the stars and heavens?’ she said
‘What of the rainbow and peaks ahead?'
'What of the sands in deserts thus?'
'What of the tides…go on I must?'
'As sure as the stars; come out to play'
'As sure as the heavens and sands I say'
'As sure as the rainbow and mountain tops''
The spell is dead. Your pong is forgot'
She smiled a smile that lit the sky
Day on day; nigh on nigh
She and the prince; lived happy ever
And bequeathed the world; a merry litter
What is the point of such a fable?
That love reigns all; and is able
To conquer the thickest; hearts of cold
And words and I;
Do have a soul
[pong = smell]
[litter = children]
[reek = stink]
Origins of language
There is a human gene called ‘FOXp2’. Defects in this gene result in defects in language and speech. i.e. a condition known as verbal dyspraxia. The gene is important for the development of a part of the brain concerned with communication. The gene is also present in chimpanzees and mice. But mice and chimps don’t have language so why do they have the FOXp2 gene?
Biochemists have recently compared the structure of this gene in human, mice and chimps. The gene codes for a protein that is made up of 715 amino acids. The mouse and chimp gene differs from each other in only one amino acid. The human form of the gene differs in three amino acids. You see what this means? Although humans and chimps share the vast majority of their genes, the FOXp2 gene is one place where humans seem to have evolved more rapidly in the short time since we split from them. And of the most important aspects in which we differ from Chimps is that we have language and they don’t. Scientists have also measured when the FOXp2 gene changed to allow speech. 200,000 years ago. Hence, humans may have acquired language 200,000 years ago.
However, this would have been simple language at first like ‘do you see that well?' or 'do you see that zebra?’ - it would initially only have been based on what could be seen. Only later, about 50,000 years ago, something momentous happened. Instead of saying ‘the waterhole which we can both see’ language and thought underwent a quantum leap so that humans could say ‘suppose there was a waterhole the other side of the hill’. This might seem like a small thing but it is momentous. It is the idea ‘What if’. ‘What if’ implies imagination and the ability to think about the future and the consequences of our actions. And it is this small change in language, this quirk, that allowed the 'Great Leap Forward' in human civilization and the flowering of human arts about 50,000 years ago. It enabled imagination to run riot and humans started creating art and, dare I say, poetry and music. And they've been at it ever since:
At first we were; to beauty blind
To natures moods and natures rhymes
FOXp2; it made us see
Language, art and fantasy
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