And then there was…something!’
‘How does that sound?’
‘Not very good’
‘Why not?’
‘Because’
‘Yeah-eh?’
‘Can I finish?’
‘Yeah, go on’
‘Because it’s just’ (sighs - gives up)
‘It’s just what?’
‘Because it’s just’ (sighs - gives up)
‘Are you gonna do that all the time?’
‘Do wot?’
‘THAT!’
‘OK, calm down. It’s just...let me explain shall I?’
‘That is what I’m waiting for’
‘It’s just…shit’
‘Shit?’
‘Yes, it’s just shit!’
‘That’s all? Just…shit?’
‘Yes’
‘All you have to say about the beginning of my book is that it’s shit?’
‘Erm, well yeah’
‘Why?’
‘Why wot?’
‘Why do you think it is SHIT!?’
‘Well, it’s not really a beginning is it?’
‘What do you mean ‘not really’? It says: ‘in the beginning’ – how can that not be a beginning?’
‘No, No, you got me all wrong. I meant it’s not a beginning. It’s not a suitable beginning’
‘Why is it not a suitable beginning?’
‘Well, we already know that don’t we?
‘Know what?’
‘Know that in the beginning there was nothing’
‘So what’s wrong with that?’
‘Well, it’s just stating the obvious right?’
‘The obvious?’
‘Yes’
‘No It’s not. Lot’s of people don’t know that!’
‘Yes they do!’
‘No they don’t!’
‘Yes they d…look why don’t we just ask that guy?’
‘Wot, the Rastafarian heading this way?’
‘Yes’
‘OK’
‘Hey there, excuse me sir can we ask you a question please?’
Man stares but doesn’t say a word
‘Erm…I don’t think he understand English’
‘Ask him?’
‘D-o y-o-u understand E-n-g-l-i-s-h?’
Man stares and doesn’t say a word
They look at each other
‘Maybe he’s high on drugs?’
‘Why do you say that? Cos he's black and a Rastafarian? That’s just racist!’
‘No, because he’s not saying anything!’
‘OK, Just tell him to go away’
‘Sorry sir. You can go! Bye! Bye!’
Man stares but doesn’t say a word
‘Shit, how do we get rid of him?’
‘Maybe we should shooo him away’
‘Shooo! Shooo! Shooo!’
Man keeps staring and doesn’t say a word
‘Man, he doesn’t understand a thing’
‘Maybe he’s deaf?’
‘You think so?
‘Yeah, I mean look at the way his just staring at us. Definitely deaf’
‘Sir! Are you deaf?’
‘That’s not gonna work is it?’
‘Why not?’
‘He's deaf!’
‘Do you know any sign language then?’
‘Why the fuck would I know any sign language?’
‘I don’t know. Just asked man! Jeez!’
Man keeps staring.
‘Shall we just walk off?’
‘Yeah come on’
They walk off
‘Hey, there’s another guy coming. He looks intelligent. Let’s ask him’
They approach the intelligent looking man
‘Excuse me sir, can we ask you a question please?’
The man looks at them not saying a word
‘Oh, For fucks sake! You’re not another deaf-druggie are you?’
‘Who me? No! Of course not. I’m no deaf-druggie. Ask me what?’
‘OK, what do you think of the following lines?’
They show him the lines
Man reads the lines out aloud:
‘…in the beginning there was nothing.
And then there was…something!’
‘What do I think of these lines?’
‘Yeah’
‘Well to be honest I think they’re stupid!’
‘Really, er why?’
‘Well they don’t make any sense do they?!’
‘See! I told you so’
‘Shush! Let him finish’
‘Why don’t they make any sense sir?’
‘How can you get something out of nothing? That's just stupid. Just ask any three year old!’
‘So you don’t think this is a good beginning for a book?’
‘For a book?’
‘Yeah’
‘Oh. Well, why didn’t you tell me that this is for a book!? No, this is a perfect beginning for a book!’
Man walks of
‘See I told you so’
'I still think it's shit'
'Oh shut up! So, in the beginning there was nothing...and then there was...something! - Mmm, I like it. It sounds rather deep, don't you think?'
'Yeah it's deep alright. Deep in shit'
'Oh shut up! 'And then there was...something' - Mmm, now I've just gotta think of what comes next'
'I know, death'
'Death? Why death?
'To spare us from what's gonna come next!'
'Oh fuck off!'
****
