Poetry Pill (give a chav a poetry pill and watch his heart on paper spill)

I bring tidings, from London Town
From Hackney Borough, near Hackney Downs
Born and bred, in the streets of Stokey
Articulate and well versed
In the art of poetry
So here’s a sample, of some mouth watering oratory
From the depths of a master, of delicious poetry:

(Cockney accent)

Ur my pimp-cess cos ur buff
Wanna twiddle ye knobs, poke ye muff
That goofy smile, I jus’ can’t resist
Come ere’ u tart and gis a kiss

Let’s go out for an all night bender
Squeeze those nipples till their all tender
We can go McD’s and av a laff
Get rat arsed in da local gaff

Der is a storm waging in my ed’
Its called love – hear wot I said?
Without u there is nuffink in the world
Cept’ Tommy Hilfiger and Burberry twirl

Dump u wiv gifts and spoil u wotten
Love ya 4 ever, kiss ya smelly bottom
There is nuffink more in the world I want
Then 2 shag ya 'ard ya lovely c**t!

I tink I need a poetry pill
Cos my poetry is making people ill
So I’ll take dis pill and see wot ‘appens
Maybe suffink good and my poetry will blossom

1…2…3 poetry pill in
1…2…3 let the water swill

Wriggle my stomach
Wriggle my legs
I wanna see this poetry pill
Take deadly affect

Wriggle my head
Wriggle my bottom
I wanna see this poetry pill
Fry my brain wotten

Ahh! - I can feel suffink gushing inside
Spewing henceforth
A remorseless diatribe:

Oh! I can see colours I have never ever seen
I can see ultraviolet in every tee-ing!
I can see all shades of our beloved maker
Eyeballs soak it in like blotting paper

Oh! I can hear sounds I have never ever heard
Ultrasonic squeaks and singing birds
I can hear the boom of the mighty Big Bang
Distant galaxies and Radio Koh-Nang!

Oh! I can smell things I have never ever smelt
Coffee beans and rotting squelch
I can smell the pores of the Hippopotamus
Ancient fossils and baby bottomus!

Here's a stanza to you my love
I bare all;
I take-off my gloves:

Do you see the old lady spew you a smile?
Toothless and scrawny, tongue like bile
Do you see the rickshaw-wallah, with ebony hands?
Advertising Gillette to make you a man

Do you see the bewitchment of Aurora Borealis?
Shimmering lights, celestial Tigris
Do you hear the cacophony of burning Banzai?
Drunken like moths and spectral fireflies

Do you see the urchins pesky for baksheesh?
Amongst the Souks and the tourist kitsch
Do you hear the din of the humming droves?
Redemption! They seek. In this infernal abode

Do you see the beggar with stumps for legs?
Trousers held up with plasticky pegs
Do you see the monk on a devotional crawl?
Sipping Coca-Cola in a roadside stall

Do you see the child defecating in a shack?
Its school bag still attached to its back
Do you see the alleyway where prostitutes sit?
Strewn with condoms and pregnancy kits

Do you see the desert scorched with dust?
Wafting fragrances, inciting wanderlust
Do you see the camels marching in key?
Like little corkscrews bobbing in the sea

There is poetry everywhere you turn
Embers of life may whither away and burn
But the poetry of life will always remain
Stoking forever this beautiful refrain

But the poetry of my life will always be
You floatin' about, in memories
Bovverin' me forever,
like bumble beez
Innit.