Great Adventures in Hi-Fi

Once upon a time, a long long time ago, I used to be an audiophile. That is, a sucker for sound fidelity. Obsessed with squeezing out every nuance, every timbre of sound, every drop of sweat that went into the making of the music I was into – a noble aim I might add; to get as close to the music as possible. Lucidity in the midst of chaos and tempestuousness.

In those glorious days of high fidelity, when the sun always shone; bathing the world in a layer of amber. When the summers arrived early and then moped around for yonks. When bumble bees would buzz and bumble about gorging themselves stupid on nectar and then take the afternoon off. Well in those days I used to have a perpetual ringing in my ears – The ringing in the ears was caused by a pair £800 headphones I had acquired – to get as close to the music you understand…

So what do a £800 pair of headphones look like then?
Well, they’re wooden (made of mahogany) and very comfortable (they'd have to be). They have distortion levels so low so as to make a grown man weep. I won't bore you with the technical aspects but lets just say that they have the minor affect of making you rediscover your entire music collection (but that’s just a mute point really)


Every sound that comes out of these headphones reeks of aural orgazma. Be it barking dogs, Mozart or vitriolic expurgiated bile courtesy of The Clash, there’s no let up. It's as if suddenly god has decided to allow you to experience the true ability of your ears by taking off the invisible mufflers. They’re also not shy of exposing shoddy studio production, because you hear everything. You hear every instrument, separately in 3D sound space.

I took them out yesterday after many years. My ear drums are currently on the road to recovery and perdition. Also, that ringing sound has started again.
So what are these amazing headphones called I hear you ask covetously? Grado RF1 – Reference Headphones Yes, reference – meaning they are a reference point with which to judge all other headphones in the world. I'm not kiddin'.

Sound reproduction just entered the future guys. You wanna rediscover your record collection? Definitely not recommended for audiophillic philistines.
Government warning : These headphones will do serious damage to your social life.

Guesswhatimdoingtonight.com
Wherehaveallmyfriendsgone.com
icanthearathinganymore.com

How to have a wonderfully good time!

So how does one have a wonderfully good time then?

Well, its really about having a certain philosophy about life; certain core beliefs that are then manifested externally by your attitude.

Let me explain:- we all know that life is basically absurd. Right? - if you haven't figured that out yet then I urge you to read the Nobel laureate Albert Camus's essay 'The Myth of Sisyphus'. Hopefully, then you will be awakened from your deep slumber. If it doesn't have the intended affect i wouldn't fret too much; your're pretty much in synchrony with the rest of humanity who are shuffling and babbling along with the majority.

Anyway, assuming you have figured out that life is inherently absurd, then you can get down to doing what REALLY matters - which is to have a wonderfully good time.

You see once you have figured out the true meaning of life; and i lay stress here on the 'true' for there are many sly imposters out there who claim to have the monopoly on truth (but are just a bunch of charlatans who would like nothing better then to inflict their evil mind control tactics on you); once you have figured it all out you will realise that their is only one natural outcome of your new found freedom - to have a wonderfully good time!

So how do you have a wonderfully good time then?

1) Give up TV, Newspapers and magazines - these are the worst vices of modern life. They tempt you with pointless temptations and give you anxiety: "Buy this, buy that" "You won't be happy if you don't get this" or "Don't go out cos you'll be attacked. There's crime, hoodys and gangs everywhere so stay indoors and buy lots of stuff from the shopping channel to make you feel better"

You'd be surprised the effect reading about crime everyday can have on your stress/anxiety levels. So bin the papers. Why should you care about celebs? You have your own life, why should you waste it by following someone else's?

2) Have time/down size - do you know what I enjoy most? I like nothing better then sitting down with a good book with the knowledge that i have nuffink planned for the whole day. Having your own time. Not work time. But your own time to do as you please, to do not because you have to, or because its expected, or because it would be rude not to, but because you want to; that is happiness. So, chuck out everything you don't want, remove family and friends you don't need. Only keep the friends and family that make you feel good or you genuinely enjoy the company of. Everybody else is dead weight, burdens, chaff - tell em' to piss off and leave you alone!

3) Get creative - why rely on others to provide entertainment when you can do it yourself. So in your spare time write a poem, a short story, write how you feel, write a review, invent a funny new word, take up a hobby i don't know, but be creative. Cook a meal for friends, enjoy good food, make merry, have a laugh (with people you genuinely enjoy the company of - not smatterers)

4) Nurture healthy independence of mind - How? See point 1 above. Also, stay away from Starbucks et al. It's crap coffee. (only grade 3 - yeah i've been to Costa Rica), it's a rip-off, they exploit people and it's such a cliche now anyway! - Sitting in Starbucks is so not cool anymore. In-fact it's anti-cool. It also shows you're a sheep and don't have healthy independence of mind! - so brew your own. Get a French Press (much cheaper and better coffee)

5) Rise above the banality of everyday existence - Life is absurd. People are absurd. Goverments are absurd. Pain is absurd. My job is absurd. In-fact the human condition is absurd! So what do you do when you know everything is absurd? Break down and cry? No! You rise above it! - this doesn't mean you tell your boss to fuck off. No. No. No. It means you start thinking, you start saying: "you know it's all a load of crap, but it's a fantastic load of crap!"

Revel in the crappiness and pointlessness of it all, and you'll have a wonderfully good time. I promise!

A heart

i have a heart you know
it beats like any heart really
c'ept it beats louder
and pumps harder than most
filling my veins with an un-godly vice
that goes to my head
and sets fire
to my imagination...

i do have a heart you know
wandering in a starry wasteland somewhere
if you look carefully
you can see it amongst the myriad stars
shining brighter then
the farthest galaxies
Oh yeah!

i really do have a heart you know
and it aches like any other heart
and quivers too;
sometimes it stops beating for a while
as if in a trance, wandering off somewhere;
on super-fantastic adventures no doubt
Oh yeah!

i do have a heart you know
honest
and it'll keep on beating forever
ever and ever and ever
until time says: stop!
but even time can't stop it you know
cos it's a special heart you see
and it'll keep on beating
and the evers will go on
till there are no more trees in the forest
or pages in this book

it's a really strange heart you know
my heart
and it can't help it really
and it doesn't care anymore
what little people think
what the world expects
or the gods decree

cos it's a real heart you see
and that's what real hearts are s'posed to do
be free

Coming soon...London - The Images

The Capital of the world. Unlike New York the Tube stations here are clearly signposted. Unlike New York the streets are all squigley and it is really really old. South of the river Thames, is a mythical land that those on the North talk about in nervous whispers, but it actually isn't that bad and is fast becoming the only place in the city besides cardboard boxes that is affordable to live in.

Go on the London eye but don't visit the London Dungeons. Go shopping on Portabello road, or in Camden, not in Covent Garden. Go to the opera in Regent's park, and to speaker's corner in Hyde park on a sunday afternoon. Trafalger Square in the evening, Leicester square at mid-day. Karl Marx and Charles Dickens are buried in Highgate cemetary.
All of life is there.

English person: Have you been to the U.K. before?
Foreigner: Oh yes, I've been to London five times on holiday.
English person: Anywhere else?
Foreigner: No, there's nothing worth seeing outside the M25, it's just a barren wasteland
English person: Ignorant fool. DIE NOW! *pulls out knife and stabs repeatedly*

His Dark Materials (Phillip Pullman)

Once in a million years (or if you're lucky in your life-time) a book comes along (or in this case a serious of 3 books) that blow the socks off you. Phillip Pullman has crafted a sci-fi/fantasy adventure that is so beautifully realised, so well written, that it leaves you convinced that it all exists somewhere out there. The 'His Dark Materials' trilogy has it all; characters that jump out at you from the page, heroes crafted in the classical mould, a multiverse, a mysterious substance called 'Dust', Oxford dons, a great conflict and perhaps the greatest villian in all er...villainy!

Do yourself a favour: unplug the television, switch off the phone, take a few days off work, make yourself comfortable (but not too comfortable yeah?) and treat yourself by immersing your mind in the finest sci-fi/fantasy novel of recent times - trust me you won't regret it.

His Dark Materials has consistently been voted in the top 10 best books ever and is to be made into a Hollywood blockbuster...watch this space.

'The Bothersome Man' (Review)

Watched this at the ICA today. Fantastically directed Scandinavian take on modern life; the perils of the IKEA-esque lifestyle. Highly pertinent.

We begin with a sombre landscape; dry and parched flatland surrounded by equally uninviting mountains. In the middle of this dreary dust-bowl lies a two pump petrol station where our protagonist is dropped off by a creeky old bus that then disappears along the same dusty track it emerged from. Our hero is told that he has a job as an accountant in a good firm

Fast forward ----> the world our protagonist finds himself in is a bourgeosie nightmare of banal professionals, living in an IKEA fantasyland. Decor is minimalist, un-cluttered and functional. This applies to both his office space; which is metallic-silver, tidy and free of obstructional devices. The entire city and indeed world is coated in subdued colours, opaque with a hint of bluesy hues. The cinematography helps in this regard. Even the light is cold as if filterd through a gelatin filter. It's a dreamlike world of order. This also extends to the people who are robotic without emotions. Somehow our hero realises that it doesn't quite feel right. There is something not quite right about the world. The chocolate doesn't taste good, foods have no smell and there are no children. No children making noises, being dirty and running around. It's a world of fake smiles, disposable friendships and polyvinyl relationships.

The movie is a subtle attack on our modern culture of hard-work, obsession with interior design, capitalism; that has taken the place of traditional family life, children, warmth and real food that tastes good; not the processed gunk we are force fed everyday; overpriced, trite, unwholesome, un-nutritious. It also takes a swipe at modern relationships, seeing them as merely mutual contracts devoid of any real emotional attachment.

The other problem our protagonist finds is that he can't escape from this IKEA-esqe world. He tries to kill himself by jumping under a train with gory but darkly comic results. He is trapped in a comfortable lifestyle of champagne parties, designer furniture and predictable boring people. Dull, life-less and totally pointless!

Coming soon...'Oh my god it's Buurmingum!'

Small Heath, the Balti triangle and er cows on the railway line...

The driver announcement in the railway carriage didn't bode too well for the forthcoming journey:
"ladies and gentlemen, I would like to apologise for the delay to your journey. This has been caused by a cow that has wondered onto the railway line..."
This was said with not a hint of humour or sarcasm. In-fact the driver was speaking in very serious tones and with matter of factly exactitude - and this is one of the peculiarities of the British ain't it? The steely professionalism. The cast iron gaze in the face of absurdity.

The train hurtled through English countryside and then bellowed past the long abandoned stone mills and factories of industrial Britain that lie on the outskirts of Birmingham; permanent reminders of a great industrial heritage. The train finally chugged into New Street Station - a mighty, concrete monolith; an ugly sore for the eyes. Yes, there are many more urbane and modern stations out there, with glittering lights, beautifully crafted people spaces, well designed 'consumption booths' and ergonomically designed relaxation spaces where one's stresses are supposed to evaporate into thin air - but I suppose this station does the job it was designed to do; although I must say it does look rather odd next to the futuristic vision that the now fully re-designed Bull Ring shopping centre exudes and encapsulates.

You travel to the ends of the earth in search of the worst. The worst food. The worst hotels. Worst people. Worst airports. Worst officials and the worst transport. Who would have thought that after Cuba, Guatemala, Belize, Vietnam, Nepal et al, I would find the worst transport right here in modern Great Britain; member of the G8 and permanent member of the UN council. Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me the honour to introduce to you, the London Euston - Birmingham New Street railway service!
- the flyers should read the following:
"why travel to India for the 3rd world experience, when you can get it right here on your own doorstep!"

Yes Ok, the seats are comfortable, the air-con works a treat, the ticket inspectors are pleasant, no stinking aroma of stale breath, dry sweat, piss, fart fumes, baby puke that is the stench of people in poor countries, but if there's a 'slight' problem though, it all grinds to a halt. On the return journey due to a 'fatality' on the tracks I was left stranded at Coventry for 3 hours. Yes, there are worst places then Coventry but it got me thinking. If this had been Kenya, If this had been the Nairobi to Mombasa express, they would have removed the fatality from the track in minutes; no waiting around for Transport Police, no flaffing about with paperwork, bureacracy, officialdom - none of that. Shove the body out of the way and let the train pass. Yes it's crude. Yes it's probably wrong, but how I miss 3rd world lack of professionalism. Go Kenya! - Go figure!

London - The Rover Returns

Yes, I have finally returned to London after a long absence. The time away has opened my eyes and my mind and left an indelible mark on me. Walking through central London yesterday, I didn't notice, till somebody pointed it out to me, I was wearing a permanent smile. It was a permanent fixture on my face as I strolled through aimlessley. taking it all in; the faces of the people; a great mass of people; of every nationality - rush-rush-rush. Jostling, hurrying, going somewhere. God knows where. Here you blend into the organic mass, nobody takes a second look, nobody notices, you are for all intents and purposes invisible; Anonymous. How easy it is to disappear in London! Melt away into the crowd. Never to be seen again. Bought a new jacket yesterday. Even with the sun out it can get a bit chilly. 'Energie' that's the brand, from a nice little store in Carnaby Street; it's off Regents street so you must visit if you're ever in London.

Spent yesterday idling about really. Bought an Oyster Card for travel and maxed it out. Coffee, people watching and watched a movie - This Is England (about Racism in 1983). And the bookshops! - I'd forgotten how great London's bookshops are! - London has the best bookshops in the world bar none. You have your Waterstones, Foyles etc...but you also have your independents too; these little dusty stores, with ancient owners who peer at you through the rim of their spectacles. You walk in and you feel that you will be engulfed by the numerous titles that line every available wall space from floor to ceiling. There's books on every conceivable subject, whatever takes your fancy.

Today, It's a lovely day, the sun's out, a bit chilly but perfect for walking around in. Meeting up with a mate for a good old pub lunch then I'm off to the Tate Modern as they've got a photography exhibition on - This is London!