Mince Pies
Who loves Mince Pies?
Answer: I do.
Let me tell you about my Mince Pie fetish. Marks & Spencer's started selling Mince pies this year on 1st Oct. How do I know? I know because I notice these things. That's 3 whole months before Christmas! I remember picking up a box and looking at the best before date: 22 Oct! Who buys Mince Pies in Oct for Christmas with a best before date of 22 Oct?
Answer: I do.
Why? Because I have absolutely no intention of keeping them till December. I have every intention of eating them. As I said I really like Mince Pies. Which is why I am wholly surprised to learn that most people don't, and that most people only eat Mince pies on account of a Christmas-thing-to-do. But to start selling Christmas stuff a full three months before Christmas seems to me a little bit exuberant! That's Christmas for a whole 3 months of the year!
Single slices of Christmas cake
There was something I noticed the other day. Single slices of Christmas cake. Not two slices for maybe a couple who can't be bothered to bake a whole cake. But a single slice. For one person. A slice for you and no slices for your no pals. For those spending Christmas alone. Ahh....it (almost) made me cry.
A Christmas Nativity Play
I remember this very clearly. I was at Primary school. Probably about 6 years old and we were having a school nativity play. My teacher told me I couldn't play Jesus in the play because I was not the 'right' religion. I remember feeling there was something wrong with me! (I still do). I remember going home and telling my mum. She said it was OK because I was 'supposed' to be a Muslim and we didn't celebrate Christmas. I remember my mum telling me about Islam and that Jesus was really a Muslim and about the prophets and all that. Even as a 6 year old I loved reading books and absorbed them like sunlight. So I absorbed everything my mum told me but even then I had a nagging feeling that my mum didn't really 'believe' these silly stories! I had already come to the conclusion that the Tooth Fairy was fiction and Father Christmas didn't really exist. So why should I believe in this God bloke! What did he ever give me. He seemed more like a stern father who told you what you could and couldn't do. He never really sat down with his children and talked to them.
How to avoid big family fights on Christmas
We all have family relations we can't stand - right? People you absolutely loathe, have nothing in common with, can't stand to be around - people who's every comment, every gesture - makes your gears and teeth grind and your blood erupt in volcanic eruptions. If you have such relations, and there is no chance you will ever be reconciled with them, and they are close relations whom you must invite around Christmas (cos if you don't a small nuclear bomb will go off in your family), here's what to do. Invite them. Oh yes, invite them round! But also invite a ton of other people too. Invite everyone together even the unwanted guests, that way you can lose them in the crowd, ignore them in the milieu. You don't have to speak to them at length as you'll be very very busy. You'll loose them in the midst of everyone! Excellent! Job done! Genius!
