A box full of love-tricks / The Voyager has landed

I was on my way out this morning when the courier arrived and presented me with a package:

Well, what is it? Well stay with me and I shall introduce you to the 'Voyager'.

The 'Voyage' of discovery: I love going on walkabouts. When I was living in Dubai I used to wander for hours. Many times I would leave my apartment at 6 in the evening and not return till way after midnight. I wandered through every street and every alley and over every bridge and through all the Malls and through all the car parks. So much so that I still retain a vivid virtual map of Dubai in my head. I can visit whenever I like, it's all up there in headspace, to visit as I please, without having to get on an aeroplane. The same applies to all the other places I have been to. And when I wander I need a soundtrack. The soundtrack will provide the backdrop to my wanderings. U2 is a particular favourite of mine because the widescape soundstages of 'Pride', 'One', 'Where the Streets have no Name and 'City of Blinding Lights' allows me plenty of room in which to roam. This is where the Voyager comes in. Where it fits in perfectly.

There are some of us out there who are very esoteric in our habits and interests. Take me for example. I'm as esoteric as they get. I only choose me because I happen to know me very well. I could have chosen you, but then, I don't know you as well as I know me. The reason I know me better than you is simply because I spend an awful lot of time with me. I would love to spend more time with you, but alas, you are many (for there are 6 billion you's on the earth), and ergo, I cannot afford to spend my time with all of you's - for then I would have no time left to spend with me.

Now, coming back to my original point...where was I? Oh yes, I was talking about quality me time. There are many ways of spending quality time with me, and the best way involves shutting out the you's, and everything else, so that what remains is only me. And this brings me nicely to the subject of this rather meandering blog entry: The Graham Slee Voyager Headphone Amplifier (see above/below)

Now before you all start chuckling and laughing let me first put my hands up and admit that this an extremely 'nerdy' thing to be talking about. I mean let's face it, who has even heard of headphone amplifiers? Let alone discusses them? Exactly. Not many people. And I admit that. Why would they? Most people are more than happy with their Mp3 players and their run of the mill headphones. But before I continue let me just very quickly tell you what this device does. This is what you do. You take your Mp3 player and plug it via the headphone socket into the Voyager Headphone Amplifier. You then take your headphones and plug them into the Voyager. So it goes: Voyager + Mp3 player + Headphones = your brand new walkabout Mp3 set up.

Now, the obvious question that arises is: why would you want to do this? That is a stupid stupid silly-billy of a question! You want to do this because - because, you want to spend quality time with me. Me of course being yourself. You see the thing is, when you listen to this set up, your chin will hit the floor and not lift off. It will remain rooted and seated to the ground in astonishment. If you're lucky your eyes will still be in their sockets. For so good is the aural soundstage of this set-up, that you will feel as if God has given your ears wings. For they will soar. I guarantee it. The sound stage will wrap itself around your ears, and then in one fell swoop, transport them to some higher plain. A higher plain of experience. 'Higher plain of experience?' Wtf am I talking about? You think I'm getting carried away don't you? Look. Let me explain. The 'life experience' is a manifestation and a direct output of your senses. There are some of us who, due to genetic gifts, are able to taste a greater range of flavours than others. There are some of us who are blessed with a more heightened and acute sense of smell - which may or may not be a good thing (I'm thinking summer time London hot Tube next to sweaty passenger scenario).

So consider the Graham Slee Voyager Headphone Amplifer as an extended phenotype. An extension of your body, or rather your ears, that allows you to hear and experience things in 'SoundSpace' that you would, otherwise, be wholly ignorant of. Ergo, A higher, deeper, more elevated plain of existence. Who could have thought that such an ugly little black box the size of an IpodTouch (for that is what the Voyager is - I mean, take a look at it!), could contain within it; within it's black ugly facade, the ability to woo your ears. To perform wonders and magic, to serenade your heart and strum your soul and make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and listen.

Warning:

Please do not, under any circumstances, go out with a girl with the Voyager in your pocket. She will not be impressed. She will think you a nerd. It will be like walking into a restaurant with the girl of your utmost dreams and taking out a copy of 'What Hi-fi' magazine. Look. If you really want to impress her this is what you do. Take her to the night-time light showcase that is Canary Wharf. Take her there in the evenings after 7pm winter time when the office lights are still on. Don't let her open her eyes though. Make sure she keeps em' closed. Then, tilt her head upwards towards the 'scrapers (eyes closed remember). Plug in the Mp3 to the Voyager. Plug in the headphones. Place them over her lovely reclining head. Press Play. Open her eyes. And her mind too will open... And, if she has even an ounce of brains, even a pinch of sense, she will love you forever afterwards. Amen.

(Box full of love-tricks)

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