There was a moment during the watching of '2012', when I realised, I had lost something precious. Something I would never get back. The feeling started off as a little kernel of no consequence (like a foetus...sorry, bad analogy!), but slowly, gradually, it fed on the dregs of ones thoughts, and it grew, until finally, it transformed itself into a full fledged storm of the open sea, hurling and burlin' inside the mind. This was not a mere irritable itch like one gets when, for example, one is on a long bus journey and the passenger sitting behind has his knee pressed up against the back seat. Oh no, I had lost something and I was angry. The thought of this loss filled my heart with anguish and my soul with pins and needles. Hot pins and needles. What was this thing I had lost?
Two and a half hours of my life!
Two and a half hours, that I could have, and certainly would have, if only faith did have, devote to other things. But such is the luxury of hindsight. I can recall the exact moment when the realisation of this 'lost time' lifted and touched the surface of my consciousness. It was at the point in the movie, during that scene, when the President of the United States (played by Danny Glover) decides that; contrary to the advice of his advisers, he will not board the Ark (yes Ark!), but that he will go to Church instead and pray. Yes pray! Pray for the salvation and the souls of the denizens of our doomed planet. Now I have nothing against prayer as such. I believe that in some cases it can have efficacy, but only in the same way that a placebo can also sometimes have efficacy. Purely in the mind kind of thing. This was a turning point in the movie because, believe it or not, it had started off rather well. It had started off with a little science!
It started off in India, deep in the bowels of the earth, 10,000 feet below the surface, in a disused diamond mine. When a movie starts off with a little science it automatically warms my cockles. I think this will be an intelligent movie, and as well as being entertained, I will also learn something - well that's the thought anyway. In the movie's beginning, we are introduced to an Indian astrophysicist, who during experiments on massless Neutrino particles, realises that strange things are afoot: the earth's core is melting and it is the neutrino's that are to blame. The earth will die, the mantle (surface layer) will melt like Swiss-cheese under a grill, and eventually after moaning and groaning, it will cave in - taking all of us with it. There will be mega earthquakes and giant tsunamis and super duper volcanoes. Chaos and destruction and black plumes of sulphur will reign maelstrom from the skies and pour forth their fury, and the final curtain will fall on the lease of Man. For it was always a short term lease. Man, in his arrogance, believed otherwise. Believed in the exaltation's of his creation. Such a fine creature he is! So you see I wasn't too displeased to witness his imminent extinction - albeit on celluloid. I rubbed my hands in glee, and my eyes sparkled like diamond cutters, and I stuffed my face full of sweet popcorn. The popcorn's were sticky and they stuck to my palate, and my clothes and my fingers. I took a sip of coke to wash away the stickiness, but the sugariness only made it worse.
It was a nice feeling to be alone in the theatre, just me, the rain and wind lashing madly outside under a dismal sky, but here inside, I was warm and protected from the elements, from the cold; but (and this is the ironic part) a different kind of storm was raging and assailing me inside. A storm of mighty visual spectacle and glorious Dolby digital surround sound. Inside the theatre the world was about to end and I was jumping in joy! This is what dreams are made of! To bear witness to the end. I admit, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that I can sometimes be sick of heart, for I do enjoy watching the race of man utterly wiped out.
Those of you psychologically primed will no doubt conclude that I am not a happy bunny - hence my desire to see human life extinguished. That is not true! Let me explain (and I know I am digressing here, but this is my blog, and I can jolly well write what I want). You see, members of the jury, I genuinely believe that man is a scourge and a blight and a nasty infection upon the earth. Man is the worst thing that ever happened to this planet. I really don't know why we keep elevating ourselves to some lofty dais. We were and are a big mistake. We should never have evolved. We should never have come down from those trees. We should never have heaved our fish like bodies out of the primordial ocean onto dry land huffing and puffing. Hell! We should never have coagulated out of stardust! But it was out of our control. Just like the end will one day also be out of our control. He giveth and He taketh away - without even bloody asking! We never got a say in it did we? Did anybody ever ask us? Did anybody ever ask you whether you wanted it? Did anybody ever ask you whether you wanted to exist? So, why cry when it's all over? And yet! And yet, we are expected to be thankful for existence cos it is such a good thing isn't it? Tell me, what is so special about existence that we are expected to spend our entire existences being so thankful for existence?! Should a lump of rock be thankful for existing? Should the sun? Should this coffee sitting in front of me? Who should the lump of rock be thankful to anyway, and for what? For being a stupid thick rock! It's so silly, and I am in danger of going mad and in danger of loosing you, my dear readers, in the thicket of my philosophical peregrinations. The great thing is that we can think and ponder about all this, and nothing, and I mean nothing, is out of bounds as far as the enquiring mind is concerned. Nothing is sacred. I am Stardust and so are you and isn't it wonderful! - to wake up in the morning and think (or scream if you wish): I am stardust! I am a lump of stardust and I can drink coffee. I am a lump of stardust and my name is Wasim and I'm so fucking brilliant and so gorgeous and I have an ipod I'm so proud of.
Er OK, back to the movie.
There were some good moments in the movie, and I use the word 'moments' sparingly. There was the moment when the President is squished by a giant tsunami. That was a good moment. There is the moment when the Vatican is utterly destroyed by an earthquake. That was a good moment too. There was the moment when a McDonald's is swallowed up by a fissure in the earth. There were some cheers in my heart for that moment. No more McDonald's! Not a bad thing. No more work! Not bad. OK, no more school! Slight tremor there. No more Pepsi or Coke. Big whack there. No more books! Woh, I think I'm going to faint. No more England! Wow, that's like huge. No more America. Yes awesome! Look, it's only a movie and hardly brain food, but do watch it for the special effects porn that it is. But don't expect it to change your life. But why would it? Why would or should any movie change your life? Well some movies can admittedly have that life changing affect, and some (well most of them) are just a waste of two and a half hours of your life. But life is free and you never paid for it so you might as well consider those two and a half hours as free time. Life is free - do what you want with it. Even watch 2012 if you want to!
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