I have begun to understand something profound about my life...and, for that matter, about your life, and your life, and your life, and I believe all life in general. This something is the cult of freewill. I would like to expose this pernicious cult of freewill for what it is. A big fat lie. This cult is all pervasive in our Western society and this is what I wish to discuss here tonight. It is an idea that is taught us in schools and on TV and everywhere we care to look. We are subconsciously imbibing this cult via subliminal messages every time we act as consumers or view a billboard or watch a movie in the theatre.
We live our lives as if we had a choice in our decisions. As if we have freewill. We are taught this fallacy in schools though it is not a mainstay of Eastern teachings. President Bush defended the invasion of Iraq on the grounds that we have to protect our freedoms. What did he mean by 'freedoms'? What freedoms was he referring to? I am not talking about freedom as a political idea, but rather, as a philosophical one. What I want to know is this: do I really have a choice in what I do? Do I have a choice in what I read and what I watch and how I think and how I spend my time? And I don't mean choice as in a big brother 1984 style Orwellian State, but rather in the sense that: can I be anyone I want to be? Or am I limited to be who I am already? - To be rid of myself and be someone else Is what I am talking about. Can I do that? And if not, why not?
We are not unified free to do as we please
But buffeted constantly
by the currents of the world
the winds of chance & caprice
We think our actions express our decisions. But do they?
Throughout our lives willing decides nothing. We cannot wake up or fall asleep, remember or forget our dreams, summon or banish our thoughts, fall in love with this person or that, by deciding to do so. Deciding counts for little. How do I know this? I know this because we are creatures of habit. And there is little choice or freewill when it comes to habit:
90% of us order the same dish in restaurants
90% of us read the same newspaper everyday
90% of us do the same activity on weekends
90% of us watch the same types of movies
90% of us hold the same beliefs we had as children
90% of us abide by the same moral principles held by our parents
90% of us live and die within 7 miles of the place we were born
90% of us fall in love and marry someone within that same 7 mile radius
These are not statistics of choice. These are the statistics of the cult of freewill. In a world so big and vast and so full of choices - how can we be so insular and predictable?
When we greet someone on the street we just act and there is no actor standing behind what we do. Our acts are end points in long sequences of unconscious responses. They arise from a structure of habits and skills infinitely complicated. By the time you are 13 years old, the chances are, you will have already formed the characteristics and belief systems that will define your life. That is why the Jesuits boast: give me a child of eleven and I shall give you the man. Most of our lives are acted and lived without conscious awareness. Below the radar of self awareness. Much of the greater part of everyone's life goes on without thinking.
We think we are in control but we are not. My environment, upbringing, and genes, and predispositions, and circumstances, all connive; in a cosmic conspiracy, in making me do what I do. I was always going to do what I did. I will always do what I will do. I should not be thanked or berated nor harangued for it. If I write a brilliant book - should I be celebrated? What choice did I have over its contents? Did I really write it? Or was it merely the product of unfathomable forces; inexplicable connections and circumstances strung together like beads, or like knots in a tapestry.
Did I plan what I am writing now? Did I consciously 'will' every word and thought into existence before committing it to this entry? Has it taken on the shape I wanted it to, or has it, like most of my writings, taken on a life and form very different to the one I envisaged?
The most beautiful moments in life happen when we discover something we were not looking for. When through grappling in the darkness we find hidden depths or shades we never knew we had. You'll never find these thing if you only swim near the beach you know. You have to wade out into darker colder waters. And that is what differentiates us from the lower animals does it not? The ability to project ourselves into the future and wonder.
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